THANK YOU CARD

If you had told me the day I snuck in that window that I would own a blog with traffic, would be working with a radio station and three of the coolest guys in the recovery community, I wouldn’t have believed you.

The past year of my life has been one crazy ride. I gave up drugs and picked up a mission. The day I typed addiction into the search bar on Facebook, I was shocked. I was an active regular social Facebook user, and I had no idea that this world, our world, even existed. You would think I would have run into a meme or something, but no, nothing.

 

People don’t realize it, but the addiction/recovery community works hard.  I got to thinking today about how I could measure success with the work I do.  Up until three weeks ago all I did was write in my blogs and spread awareness through posters/memes and news stories on social media. So how do you measure success with something so difficult to measure?

IF I HELP ONE PERSON, IT WILL BE WORTH IT.  We have probably all said, thought or at the very least heard this in our community.  So I have good news for you all.  Here goes:

Entering this community  I was in on Suboxone but wasn’t working a program, and my life sucked.  Just like an addict, I didn’t go through the front door of this community, I snuck around back and climbed in the window.  My road to recovery was Suboxone, period point blank ( suboxone saved my life, and this is just my story I believe whatever works- work it) I didn’t need a sponsor, meetings, a higher power or any of that, just Suboxone.  I was adamant about it.  After relapsing too many times to count in the past 20 years, I figured Suboxone was the best route for me.

I went to war with my family and my doctor over staying on Suboxone and being accepted for it.  So if I knew anything at all entering this community it was that I was an addict and I would be on Suboxone for the rest of my life.  I was 43.

If you had told me the day I snuck in that window that I would own a blog with traffic, would be working with a radio station and three of the coolest guys in the recovery community, I wouldn’t have believed you.

The past year of my life has been one crazy ride.  I gave up drugs and picked up a mission. The day I typed addiction into the search bar on Facebook, I was shocked.  I was an active regular social Facebook user, and I had no idea that this world, our world, even existed.  You would think I would have run into a meme or something, but no, nothing.

Within one year this community has turned my life around.  You gave me the strength to give up the Suboxone.  I learned that I am a whole lot tougher than I thought I was.  I found skills that I didn’t know I had and self-worth that I never had.  I have a resume that doesn’t have one single lie on it, and it still looks impressive.  I sold a business and opened three more.  I got two incredible opportunities to continue doing awareness work, but now I can eat too.

Now my friends are writers, artists, lawyers ( that I didn’t have to hire ) paralegals, and so much more.  You’ve taken the time to teach me and to build me up.  In this past year, you have given me life-enriching skills, relationships, experiences and even things to look forward to.

So I wanted to give you guys this Chrismas gift early.  Once I figured out the amazing gift that you guys gave me this year.  I couldn’t wait to give yours to you.

Thank you, for saving ME.

 

RecoveryRadio.FM Review

These guys are all forces in the recovery community but together WOW, you can expect lots of inspiration, differences of opinions and thanks to Bobble every topic will be explained so that everyone will understand completely.

 

December 1st RECOVERYRADIO.FM went live out of Palm Beach, Florida. Three huge names in recovery are hosting the show, RJ ViedJames Sweasy and Bobble. These guys are all forces in the recovery community but together WOW, you can expect lots of inspiration, differences of opinions and thanks to Bobble every topic will be explained so that everyone will understand completely.

The show runs for three hours every Tuesday and Thursday from 9 pm to 11 pm on

96.1FM for Pompano to West Palm / 97.5FM for West Palm to Jupiter/ 1340AM for all of West Palm County. You can also watch the show live on RECOVERYRADIO.FM OR on Facebook at www.facebook.com/recoveryradio.fm

If you aren’t familiar with these guys, let me tell you a little about them from my perspective.

RJ Vied is a Recovery Advocate who is a talented writer, speaker and all around genuine guy. I guess you could say he is the eye candy of the show…at least that’s what all the ladies are saying but don’t take my word for it, check him out yourself. You can follow RJ Vied on Facebook at www.facebook.com/rjvied. Don’t think that means he is just pretty to look at, this guy has a genuine passion for reaching the addict still suffering and supporting those in recovery. RJ Vied is a triple threat, intelligent, talented and honorable. The eye candy part is just a bonus.

James Sweasy is one of those magnetic guys that when they talk you just know you need to listen. Sweasy is from my hometown Louisville, KY and his no-nonsense approach to recovery has made him one of the most followed Public Persona’s in Recovery, and he is just getting started. Sweasy’s fans are die hard and with Sweasy’s creative video angles and call it like it is approach this guy going to be HUGE…ok he already is huge so how about Enormous. Relatable is Sweasy’s middle name. If you aren’t a Sweasy Fan, you need to hope on over to www.facebook.com/jamessweasy and learn you a thing or two. That’s what us Kentuckiana’s like to say.

Last but not least is Bobble. Bobble is a musician that is rocking the recovery world with his relatable rhythms and hip hop recovery music. I don’t know a bunch about Bobbleother than thank goodness for him being on this show. Sure enough, when I am scratching my head about some odd term, idea or recovery approach Bobble is quick to say, HUH? Please explain that so we all can understand it. You can follow Bobble at www.facebook.com/bobblemuzikRAW

I am going to give www. recoveryradio.fm a ten on a scale of 1-10. If you missed the show last night, you could listen to it on their website www.recoveryradio.fm anytime.

Be sure to check out their next show every Tuesday and Thursday. They encourage people to call in but remember this isn’t a podcast so no swearing or you will be disconnected immediately.

RECOVERYRADIO.FM is a great concept with incredible talent, I look for this show to have a long successful run. Congrats guys, we will be listening, that is for sure.

Rockin Recovery On My Own Terms

We’re all talking about how nonaddicts stigmatize those of us with the disease of addiction, but more concerning to me is the way we, who suffer from the same disease, stigmatize and judge each other for traveling a different road to recovery. How did we get so righteous and indignant?

Why are we not overjoyed when a desperate sick and suffering human being stops using dirty needles, stealing from their kid’s piggy banks, or any other insane act in order to get money to get high just one more time. How can we possibly say we’re in recovery working the program, but in the same breath tell another addict they’re not really clean because they’re on Suboxone, Methadone or whatever maintenance drug they need to not do the low down, grimy shit they were doing the day before to try and recapture that 1st high.

Where is the empathy and compassion people need at this fragile time in their life? People in N.A., which I love because that’s where I learned there was a way out of that madness, say I’m not in recovery and can’t take on a commitment if I’m on MAT’s, or chair a meeting. Bill W. said some place in a letter before he died I think, and this is not a quote, but his hopes were for A.A. to evolve alongside modern medicine and science. I’m clean and in recovery and I take Suboxone and I’m fuckin proud of it.

I used to be one of those rigid nazi’s for many years who thought abstinence is the ONLY way, but God decided to show me where I was mistaken. There are people that have double digit years of abstinence and that’s all it is. They wouldn’t know a step if they tripped over it. They’re miserable and hateful, but like to tell me I’m not in recovery or can’t be part of their elite club because I take a prescribed medicine from my Dr. So be it. Say what you will. I know what I am!

I have a sponsor in A.A. an oldtimer, historian who has taken me through the 12 steps and no one nowhere is going to tell me I’m not really clean! So if you’re not robbing your mother and collapsing every vein in your body for one more shot of pure, uncut misery, Congratulations! Welcome to recovery! Don’t let anyone tell you you’re not really clean or you have to do it their way. You just keep rockin it any way you can, and I pray you find your path to never ending recovery. For now, just don’t use for 1 day, and try to be a little better person than you were yesterday. I promise you will find your way to a life second to none.

Author: Carla Marotto

Suboxone Tapering

This is the best information I can find about tapering off of Suboxone.  Please if you have tapered from Suboxone and had success send us a message so we can share your story.  When I came off of Suboxone I didn’t taper.  I went to a three-day medical detox where they gave me a cocktail of nonnarcotic meds to help with the withdrawal from the Suboxone and 20 years of Xanax ( benzo ) use.  The withdrawal was very tough and lasted for months.  I was successful though and you can be too.

 

Summary: The purpose of a taper (instead of just stopping) is to gradually reduce tolerance, thus distributing withdrawal symptoms over a longer period of time minimizing the discomfort experienced on any single day.

Ending the taper at the manufacturer’s lowest available dose (2mgs for Suboxone Film® and generics or 1.4mgs for Zubsolv®) can still result in significant withdrawal.1,6 Here we lay out the rationale for tapering to much lower doses. As the data will show 2mgs/day is closer to the midpoint of a typical taper than it is to the end.

General rule: Pace the taper with the body’s ability to adapt to each decrease. Dose decreases of 25% separated by at least 10 days has been reported to be tolerable by many.1

The whole point of buprenorphine treatment is to suppress cravings and withdrawal so that you can make big changes in behavior, routine, living situation and thinking. It’s these changes which, in effect, rewire the brain and reverse some of the craving-causing brain adaptations. If this is not done first the taper will likely be shortly followed by relapse.

Have you made significant changes in behavior and had a period of time to gain experience with those behaviors? Have you been able to deal with stress, anxiety, and depression without craving drugs? This takes time and doesn’t happen on its own, it is a deliberate effort. If you have been in stable treatment less than six months, tapering is NOT advised.

Buprenorphine is NOT a detox medication, it is a treatment medication. If you are not clear on this distinction go to the treatment page and understand it before tapering. But assuming you are ready to taper there are some things to consider.

Tapering to very low doses minimizes withdrawal

taper
Before we continue, it should be noted that the following is a detailed explanation for those interested in the nuances of tapering and not necessary to conduct a taper. It does however, help make sense of why certain protocols are likely to be more effective than others.

Cut pieces of film
Fig. 1. Suboxone Film can be cut into small pieces. Accuracy is not that important when cutting the dose. Blood levels will average out over a few days. Also, it is not a certainty that the medication is evenly distributed throughout the film or tablet, so super-precision in cutting isn’t warranted.
To understand the tapering process there are a few concepts you should understand:

The Ceiling Effect of Buprenorphine:
In short, at a certain dose of buprenorphine, nearly all available opioid receptors become occupied with buprenorphine.3 Each helps induce a small opioid effect.4 The cumulative effect created from all receptors is the maximum effect or the ceiling effect.4 The minimum dose to reach this point is the ceiling dose. Taking more than the ceiling dose involves so few additional opioid receptors that patients are unable to detect any additional opioid effect.4 Whether the patient’s dose is at, near or above the ceiling dose, they experience virtually the same opioid effect. For this reason, tapering can be more aggressive (per mg.) at higher doses than at lower doses when more receptors are affected by dose decreases.2

petscan

PET scan
Fig. 2. PET scan showing available opiate receptors at various doses.
Fig 2 is a PET scan showing the amount of available opioid receptors at various doses.3 From this evidence it is clear that, for this particular patient, at some dose above 2 mgs. and below 16 mgs. the ceiling dose is reached, as the amount of available receptors have diminished to insignificant levels.3 If we extrapolate this admittedly very limited dataset and apply a curve shape common in biology, we can estimate approximate receptor involvement at various doses. Fig 2a illustrates this concept. It should be noted that there is great variability in reality and liberties have been taken with this particular graph, but it is meant to illustrate the point that the amount of receptors involved is not a linear relationship with dose. Therefore cutting the dose in half from 32mgs to 16mgs doesn’t mean that half as many receptors are affected, in fact due to the ceiling effect there would be no discernible difference.receptor

involved receptor graph
Fig 2a. Approximate amount of buprenorphine-occupied mu receptors/dose
If a taper should follow a steady and gradual decrease of involved opioid receptors, then 2mgs would be about the midpoint of the taper. In one of the few taper studies, both long and short tapers ending at 2mgs resulted in very low success rates.6 The researchers concluded: “For individuals terminating buprenorphine pharmacotherapy for opioid dependence, there appears to be no advantage in prolonging the duration of taper”. They apparently gave no consideration to the possibility that maybe 2mgs is too high of dose to stop at. We will show it is and suggest their conclusion is wrong in that extending the taper well below 2mgs for a much longer period of time is beneficial.

Buprenorphine Half-life:
Buprenorphine doesn’t completely metabolize between doses. It typically takes between 24-42 hours to metabolize half of it, but could range as much as 20-70 hours.9,10,11 We use 37 hours as an average in our calculations, but be aware of the range if your results don’t meet expectations. Therefore, after the first 37 hours, only about ½ of the buprenorphine has been metabolized, while half remains to continue to elicit an effect. After another 37 hours half of that remains and so on. At typical maintenance doses, previous doses can contribute to the overall blood levels for 5-12 days (depending on actual metabolic elimination rate). At very low doses, by day three the amount of buprenorphine still un-metabolized is so small its effects are negligible.

bupe_half-life-graph

Half-life graph
Although this graph starts at 16mgs., the curve would be the same for any dose.
Buprenorphine Blood Level Buildup, Stabilization

As patients take subsequent doses of buprenorphine before the prior dose has completely metabolized, a buildup occurs in blood levels. (Fig 3) The buildup continues for approximately 5-12 days at which time the dose taken 5-12 days prior has nearly fully metabolized. This is the stabilization period. When dose is decreased the effects of this build up should be considered before the effects of the new lower dose can be evaluated.

16mgs-11day-37halflife.png
Enter a caption

 

11 day half-life graph
Fig. 3. Blood levels build up until stabilization

 

Putting It All Together
We now know that doses at or above the ceiling dose can be decreased more aggressively than lower doses. We know that 2mgs/day is not the end of the taper but closer to the midpoint. We know that due to the half-life, buprenorphine builds up in the blood and may still produce effects 5-12 days later, particularly at higher doses. Armed with these considerations we can construct a taper plan which will minimize discomfort.

Buprenorphine Taper Plan
By coupling what we learned above with anecdotal taper testament found online, we can estimate that dose decreases of 25% with 10 days between drops should be tolerable.1 Furthermore, if our initial dose is at, near, or above our estimated ceiling dose we can taper more aggressive initially, maybe as much as 50% drops. As we approach 2mgs and below, we should expect more noticeable differences between each dose decrease and may need to slow down the pace. Once at a very low dose (less than 0.5mgs) we can speed up the pace once again as the buprenorphine is metabolized down to insignificant levels in just a few days.

Emergency Buprenorphine Taper
If you find yourself in a situation where you must taper off immediately for some reason and don’t have the time or enough buprenorphine for a planned taper, you can try an emergency taper. With the emergency taper you stop all buprenorphine until the onset of withdrawal. At that time you take small doses (<= 1mg) every hour until withdrawal is tolerable. Then, take buprenorphine only when symptoms become intolerable and only enough to stop the withdrawal. Although this method minimizes withdrawal intensity for a given amount of available buprenorphine, there could still be considerable withdrawal depending on tolerance and the amount of buprenorphine available.

Which brand of buprenorphine to use
As of early 2016 there are 3 name brand and at least 5 generic buprenorphine products to choose from. For ongoing treatment something can be said for the newer brands; with their better bioavailability side effects may be fewer and some dose and copay card combinations make it the least expensive option (including generics). (see cost page) But when tapering, particularly at doses below 2mgs, Suboxone Film (as pictured above) offers the advantage of being larger thus easier to cut into the fractional doses necessary for the taper. Pieces of film left over between doses should be stored in a childproof pharmacy bottle with a silica gel pack to absorb humidity and prevent the opened film from becoming sticky. (see storage section)

When to take your taper dose
Taking your buprenorphine first thing in the morning is best. There is good reason for this. By taking your dose in the morning, buprenorphine blood levels are lowest while you are asleep. Therefore, when the buprenorphine is providing the lowest level of craving and withdrawal suppression you are asleep and aren’t dealing with it. Another reason is, you want to avoid anticipation of taking the dose, because this is the type of brain activity you want to eliminate. Anticipating the dose then receiving the reward of the dose, may be reinforcing the behavioral patterns you have worked so hard to eliminate. By taking it early in the morning, there is no need to think about it for the rest of the day. Exception: If insomnia becomes acute, you may benefit from taking your daily dose at night.

Take your full day’s dose all at once
Don’t split up the day’s taper dose. As mentioned above, taking it early prevents you from thinking about and anticipating your dose. Also, once you finally stop, it is an easier transition from taking something once a day to zero times a day, than it is from taking something 2-4 times a day, to zero times a day. Also, avoid complicated rituals like dissolving the medication in water and metering out portions for the taper. Simply cutting the film or tablet is all you need to do. Exception: Again, if insomnia becomes acute, splitting the dose up by taking some in the morning and some at night might help.

 

Remember, the taper schedule is not etched in stone. Individuals will respond differently to the same taper schedule. It is meant as a rough guide which must be tailored to match an individual’s body and circumstance. The main concept is to pace taper rate with the individual’s ability to adjust to each decrease. However, it can be helpful to have a guide to loosely follow and to estimate about how long it will take and how much buprenorphine will be required.

Buprenorphine and Pain
Buprenorphine is a painkiller. A return of minor aches and pains is to be expected when you stop taking a painkiller. This is not withdrawal, it’s the pain the painkiller was killing but isn’t killing anymore. Aleve® or some other OTC painkiller might help but only when and if you need it. Hyland’s® Restful legs tablets have also been reported to be effective especially, at night. For sleep, patients have suggested Valerian root and Melatonin. Maintaining good overall nutrition and keeping well hydrated is also important. But maybe the most important thing is to keep busy, preferably away from home. Sitting home waiting for symptoms to appear is a sure way to fail.

Pain is progress
The discomfort you feel while tapering can be thought of as an indication of your tolerance diminishing. The necessary discomfort stimulates the body to produce endorphins. If you can possibly motivate yourself to exercise, even brisk walking, the pain will be less noticeable and you benefit form the exercise. It might also help you sleep better.

Depression and Tapering
Along with being a painkiller, buprenorphine has been recognized as an anti-depressant.7,8 Just as when you stop taking a painkiller, pain comes back, when you stop an anti-depressant, depression may come back too. The severity of the depression could determine the success or failure of the taper. Be prepared to deal with the reemergence of depression, particularly if you suffered from it before starting buprenorphine treatment. This might entail working with a psychiatrist and having antidepressant medication on the ready, before concluding the taper.

Pausing the Taper
If you hit a dose level which produces unacceptable levels of withdrawal discomfort, it is acceptable to go back up in dose, one step, for a few more days. Alternatively, you can hold at that dose for a longer period of time than indicated on the taper schedule. Since everyone’s body and brain is unique, the generic taper schedule may need to be tweaked slightly. Once your body adjusts to the dose level the taper can be resumed.

Mid-taper Breaks
It’s okay to take a break from the taper if you need to, as long as it is minimal and infrequent. An example would be if you have been at 0.5mgs/ day for a week and still feel withdrawal discomfort, taking up to 1-2mgs one day will remove all withdrawal symptoms for that day and possibly the next, giving you time to refocus, get things done, and prepare for the final leg of the taper. One day at a higher dose will not increase your tolerance, thus reversing your progress, as long as you limit such higher doses to once or twice during the taper. If you can, try and not take any the following day. This may not be that difficult since about half will still be present the next day. Then resume the taper schedule.

Optional Ending Kicker Dose
Once you fill out the form above and create the taper schedule, you’ll notice that on the last day of the taper is a higher dose than recent previous doses. The idea is to take advantage of the half-life property and extend the taper a few days more. The higher dose raises blood levels, without raising tolerance, and as this final dose metabolizes blood levels slowly decrease until reaching zero, thus extending the taper. That’s the theory, but we know of no studies that have looked at this, only doctors who employ this in their taper plans.1 It’s up to you whether or not to include it. Good luck.

References:
Anecdotal evidence compiled from several social media sites over a period of several years
National Alliance of Advocates for Buprenorphine Treatment- http://www.NAABT.org
PET scans- mu receptors- Effects of Buprenorphine Maintenance Dose on mu-Opioid Receptor Availability, Plasma Concentrations, and Antagonist Blockade in Heroin-Dependent Volunteers – 2003 – http://www.nature.com
TIP-40, buprenorphine treatment clinical guidance – government document 2004
Results produced by the NAABT.org taper engine (beta)
Buprenorphine tapering schedule and illicit opioid use- Clinicaltrials.gov, Identifier: NCT00078117 -Ling – study
Buprenorphine treatment of refractory depression, Bodkin [study]
The Buprenorphine Effect on Depression, Richard Gracer, MD [article PDF]
Zubsolv full prescribing information submitted to the FDA – Zubsolv PI
Bunavail full prescribing information submitted to the FDA – Bunavail PI
Suboxone Film full prescribing information submitted to the FDA – Suboxone Film PI

Notes:
Brand names for buprenorphine/naloxone (bup/nx) combination products in the US: Suboxone Film, Zubsolv, Bunavail, and generic equivalents of the discontinued Suboxone Sublingual Tablets.
Buprenorphine products in the US WITHOUT the added naloxone safeguard:
Subutex Tablets (discontinued in 2009) but the generic equivalents remain available.
Buprenex® is an injectable, FDA approved for pain NOT addiction – illegal to prescribe for opioid addiction.
Butrans® Patch, also FDA approved for pain and NOT addiction – illegal to prescribe for opioid addiction.
Pharmacy-compounded bup or bup/nx preparations – NOT FDA approved for addiction – illegal to prescribe for opioid addiction.
Probuphine® is an insertable buprenorphine rod which goes under the skin and releases bup over the course of 6 months. It was FDA approved in May of 2016, and is for the treatment of addiction.
Belbuca™ is a buprenorphine film which goes on the inside of the cheak. It was FDA approved in October of 2015, and is for the treatment of pain – NOT FDA approved for addiction – illegal to prescribe for opioid addiction.
Download Adobe Reader to view PDF files

Disclaimer:
Nothing on this site should be confused for medical advice. The information provided here should only serve to inspire you to find out more from credible sources. We hope to help you understand the disease better so that you know what questions to ask your doctor. Never take any online medical advice over that of a healthcare professional, assume it’s all made up. Despite the links to peer reviewed studies all interpretations of said studies may be opinion, unreliable or erroneous. If some patients found something beneficial to them it’s not an indication that it will be beneficial to you, on the contrary, it may be dangerous. You, not us, are responsible for what you do with the information you get from this site or any site.

Source:

Help Me Get Off Drugs

http://www.helpmegetoffdrugs.com/taper

Now What?

Hey guys, sorry I have been kinda absent lately. I have had a ton of stuff going on. I don’t know if you remember or not but a month or so ago I was asking for help finding treatment for my sister in law. Well, we waited and waited and after keeping her in my house for a week she ran off. She truly wanted help and we didn’t find any.
I can’t tell you how heartbreaking that was for me. I couldn’t believe that I spend up to 80 hours a week working tirelessly to help in this epidemic,  have amazing connections and yet  I couldn’t help her find treatment. She was off and running hard and there really wasn’t much hope of stopping her.

The worst part is that every once in a while she would message me and tell me how scared she was. That she didn’t want to live that way. About two weeks in my brother in law left treatment. He has been there for almost 9 months and they kicked him out because he got a dirty urine for Neurontin. I was so angry. Angry at him for taking it and angry at them for being so closed minded that they weren’t willing to give him another shot. They told him he could come back in two days. REALLY? I can’t even believe it as I write it.
He ended up calling his wife who is still in active addiction and the two of them met up with my sister in law. That was a real recipe for disaster. They were selling themselves, stealing, lying and cheating all over the place. A week into the binge my one and two-year-old niece and nephew were taken into custody and put into a foster home. Their parents didn’t bat an eye, they were going to ride this one till the wheels fell off. I don’t know if it was my mother in laws crying or my own guilt for not being able to help but let’s just say I took my computer and went into the basement and made it my personal mission to put the shit to an end.

A few days ago I set my sister in law that was looking for help before up to be picked up by the police and today I was finally able to get my brother in law into custody. I wouldn’t be exaggerating when I say that I made posters of them and sent them to every police station, Walmart and Meijer ( there favorite boosting spots) chase and fifth third bank ( because I learned they had stolen checks from these banks) and every pawn shop within 100 miles of our City. I had their cell phones turned off so it would be harder to reach their dealers and hacked their facebooks and changed the passwords so they wouldn’t be able to reach dealers that way. Now that they are safe the only one that is still out there is my brother in laws wife. I hate this woman. She is the devil. No joke. I won’t even go into the why because it’s awful. The problem though is do I stop with the ones that are important to me?

First Day Out of Rehab

First, day out of rehab and my world has closed in on me,
Every corner has my parents jumping out,
If only they understood what this does,
I have to do the fighting not them,
For some reason, they think it’s their duty,
But this duty is pushing me to my edge,
Is this my recovery or their recovery,
Are they doing this out guilt or mercy,
Maybe it’s their way of keeping me sober,
The sad truth is they don’t have a clue,
Nothing is keeping me clean but me,
Do this, do that, that’s not going to work,
How do they know, they need to step back,
But I’m feeling like a rat in a cage,
A puppet on my parent’s strings,
If I try to break out and do my own thing,
Then little whispers float in the air,
You are going to relapse if you don’t listen,
Man it makes me mad,
Almost mad enough to throw my hands up,
I know they are worried about me,
But this has to be my recovery,
I must find my own way,
If I fall down then I have to figure out how to get up,
Without this being my recovery it means nothing at all,
I need space because this can’t continue,
Nothing healthy will come out of this, nothing.

Why My Kid?

This is the question that every parent of an addict desperately wants to know.  The answer to the question is that it didn’t have to be your kid, it just was.  It was the luck or unluck of genetics and circumstance.

Your child didn’t decide, you know what…I think I want to be an addict when I grow up instead of a doctor.  They didn’t sit in their bed and fantasize about being dope sick the way little girls dream about their weddings.  Not one addict I know had a set plan to steal from their families and destroying relationships the way a teenager plans for college.

It is a disease. Some people cannot use socially the way others can.  So maybe in high school or college, you tried coke or pills, but you didn’t do it every day after.  Someone with the disease of addiction cannot do that.  They might start their disease with something like Xanax or a pot only to graduate to pain meds, heroin or meth. They might do them all.

Parents need to remember that just because their child is an addict doesn’t mean they don’t love you and that you did something wrong.  It just means that your child can’t do it just once.  They didn’t get high alone that first time but more than likely the people they did it with didn’t all become addicts.  It really is like the unlucky lotto.

Maybe some of you have guilt because of your own addictions or for something else that happen when your child was growing up.  I will tell you that yes, your child may be hurt by some of this and could be using to numb feelings but if they weren’t genetically made up to have this disease they wouldn’t be an addict.

So the next time you start to ask yourself this question or why me if you are the addict.  Just remember that it isn’t because you are bad.  If you are the parent it most likely wouldn’t have mattered that you worked more than you wished you had or that you gave spankings for punishments.  If you are the addict, remember that you are not a bad person.  You just can’t use drugs or drink like others.  There is no way that you could have known that.

Don’t beat yourself up, is the moral of this story.  If your child or loved one is the addict love them and do your best not to shame them.  If you are the addict, find some help.    The good news is that neither of you are alone and you will find that some of the best people on earth are recovering addicts, so you will be stepping into a fine crowd.