Why My Kid?

This is the question that every parent of an addict desperately wants to know.  The answer to the question is that it didn’t have to be your kid, it just was.  It was the luck or unluck of genetics and circumstance.

Your child didn’t decide, you know what…I think I want to be an addict when I grow up instead of a doctor.  They didn’t sit in their bed and fantasize about being dope sick the way little girls dream about their weddings.  Not one addict I know had a set plan to steal from their families and destroying relationships the way a teenager plans for college.

It is a disease. Some people cannot use socially the way others can.  So maybe in high school or college, you tried coke or pills, but you didn’t do it every day after.  Someone with the disease of addiction cannot do that.  They might start their disease with something like Xanax or a pot only to graduate to pain meds, heroin or meth. They might do them all.

Parents need to remember that just because their child is an addict doesn’t mean they don’t love you and that you did something wrong.  It just means that your child can’t do it just once.  They didn’t get high alone that first time but more than likely the people they did it with didn’t all become addicts.  It really is like the unlucky lotto.

Maybe some of you have guilt because of your own addictions or for something else that happen when your child was growing up.  I will tell you that yes, your child may be hurt by some of this and could be using to numb feelings but if they weren’t genetically made up to have this disease they wouldn’t be an addict.

So the next time you start to ask yourself this question or why me if you are the addict.  Just remember that it isn’t because you are bad.  If you are the parent it most likely wouldn’t have mattered that you worked more than you wished you had or that you gave spankings for punishments.  If you are the addict, remember that you are not a bad person.  You just can’t use drugs or drink like others.  There is no way that you could have known that.

Don’t beat yourself up, is the moral of this story.  If your child or loved one is the addict love them and do your best not to shame them.  If you are the addict, find some help.    The good news is that neither of you are alone and you will find that some of the best people on earth are recovering addicts, so you will be stepping into a fine crowd.

Author: Recovery Reports


12 thoughts on “Why My Kid?”

  1. A beautiful message of hope to both parent and child. I am in love with an addicted child and I have tremendous hope for a new day


  2. My son is an addict, and I have always felt some guilt over this. I recognized when he was very young that he had an addictive personality and I tried to shield him. But once he got a taste of pot, it was all it took for him. He has now progressed to stronger drugs and I worry constantly about him. But he is an adult, I can only love and support him, and try to get him on a straight path. Your post helped me tremendously to make me feel a little bit less like it’s my fault. Thank you 🙂

    Liked by 4 people

  3. “some of the best people on earth are recovering addicts, so you will be stepping into a fine crowd.”
    That is so, so true. I know a recovering addict who has been clean for over fifteen years, and in nearly all of that time he’s worked tirelessly to support recovering addicts. He’s now opened a home for recovering addicts which is like none that’s existed before. When you walk in through the door the first thing that hits you is the love. It emanates from the walls, and it was him who put the love in there. The most remarkable thing is that there are people like him all over the world, people who’ve been to hell and back, and rather than run away screaming, they’ve braved the pain of others, knowing how it hurts, and hurting alongside them – and sometimes they get the reward of basking in somebody else’s recovery.
    I’ve met recovering addicts who have regular, quiet lives. Nobody may take much notice of them, but if you take the trouble to look, you’ll see that they have a particular kind of understanding, a particular kindness.
    Thank you for another great post – one which gives parents, and addicts, the reassurance they need. You have the kindness and understanding I mentioned.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. She’s not too bad at the moment – which is almost more heartbreaking than when her mind’s absent, because at least then she’s separating herself from her suffering and loneliness.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Well said and excellent words for both addicts and those who love them to hear. I know my mom went through a lot of the ‘what did I do wrong???’ when I was active in my addiction. And I certainly had a ton of ‘what’s wrong with me? why can’t I stop? and stay stopped?’ thoughts over the years. And then my miracle happened. Because of it, my mom got to see me reach 12 years of sobriety before she passed a number of years ago. The miracles continue to happen. I wish the same for your family too.
    Blessings … Marianne

    Liked by 1 person

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