Heartbroken Momma


My daughter just died on May 3rd from an overdose.
I have written a letter that I wanted to post to your page on the devastation that is left behind from drugs. My hope is to reach anyone with an addiction to help them be aware of what happens to their families when they die ……I will send you my post and if you think its ok to post go for it. If not I appreciate your time.
I am a very heartbroken mother who just lost her 29-year-old daughter (Keri Canter Cole) to fentanyl/heroin on May,3rd,2016. I am writing to you because I really wanted to post the devastation left behind when our loved ones die from Overdose. I see lots of comments about it was their choice to do the drugs in the first place and yes it was……but once done, the horribleness that comes from that is such a terrible sickness that no one understands unless they have lived it. I have lived with my daughter’s addiction for years. I was also lied to a lot with I am clean. I offered several times to take my beautiful granddaughters so Keri could go into rehab and get rid of this ugly demon but she wouldn’t do it.  
I was just with Keri in March and did one of those drug tests on her from the drug store…7 illegal drugs and 5 prescription drugs….she was CLEAN. That’s why all of this is so heartbreaking because I truly believed she was clean. Keri’s story is like so many others. She was in a couple of car accidents and had some injuries, put on pain meds…when she told her doctor she thought she had a problem he kicked her out of his office and said I don’t deal with druggies and put her on the street. I know this was a daily struggle for her, I know she tried her hardest to get away from all of this but it just kept that nasty hold on her that she couldn’t get away from. Keri was a wonderful fun loving beautiful person that got wrapped into a terrible situation that she couldn’t break free from. I know she is not the only one who is in this situation. We are losing our children at an alarming rate from this epidemic. The pain I feel in my heart and soul is so tremendous I don’t know if I will ever come up from the depth of sadness that is my life now. I was born and raised in Conneaut Ohio. I left there 10 yrs. ago to care for my elderly parents….who need me badly but I think now I was needed more in Conneaut which is truly hard to deal with in the aftermath. You know the what ifs and if I had only deals….that’s where I am at now.
I guess I am writing to you because there seems to be a lot of intelligent people from all wakes of life on this site……I am 4 hours away from Conneaut but there has got to be something that can be done on this epidemic……I so want to save our next child but have no knowledge of how to do that. I was wondering if maybe you could put something up about how as a community we can get tougher laws on dealers and sellers or maybe when a person is brought into Jail for drugs they get put into a program instead of letting them right back out, or that these doctors who do what they did to my Keri, pay for this and have to pay for the rehab for each person they got addicted in some way of form.
I don’t know what the answer is, there has to be some answer somewhere. I personally want her dealers head in the middle of Conneaut so everyone knows he murdered my daughter…..bitter and harsh I know but that’s how I feel. I know my Keri made a choice…..but I know that choice was not to die and leave her beautiful children, her husband mother father sisters brothers grandparents aunts uncles and cousins and I am sure that is the case for any other of our children who have succumbed to this tragic end. I always told her I was going to call Dr. Phil for an intervention and we would laugh (this is when she was clean….) Now I truly wish I had……I don’t know if there is anything any of us can do but I just needed to ask. Thank you for letting me take your time and for a great group you have. I like your no-nonsense approach.
Darlene Harvey
Keri Canter Cole’s
brokenhearted Momma

Author: Recovery Reports

Recovery

14 thoughts on “Heartbroken Momma”

  1. Hi!
    I’m sorry to hear about your loss… My sincere condolences to you and all affected people around you.

    Was this post meant to be posted here? Or asking for replies before you post it elsewhere? That wasn’t very clear.

    At some point I was in a store, grabbing something to drink and pay for the gas. I was somewhere in a town I cannot remember but it wasn’t a big city like NYC. When I turned around making my way out of the door, there was a young guy coming in. He just put his car right in front of the door, not caring about anything, baseball hat in a “cool” way, some fake bling, sloppy dressed in old clothes and his car was from the 80ies or something driving on two dummy tires. All of that didn’t matter at all, except for the look in his eyes. Deep blue, but without any personality behind it. Empty eyes, no connection to the real world so it seems. No eye contact with anyone, not properly looking at the shop, counter, products and people had to move out of his way. Music of his car was loud on and the sweaty smell was all the way to the outside door. I was wondering how such a man, in the beginning of his twenties, could have such a non-expression? I don’t imply he was on drugs but I have seen people being on drugs having the same empty eyes. I also thought, what is missing? What can be done to connect people to the real world and make sense out of their lives? The only possible answer I could think of is to give people that connection through education. Not just formal education at school, but education in the sense that people learn skills, learn about the world as such, and with both, skills and knowledge, actively create something from themselves for other people so other people can give back.

    That giving back gives a belonging, gives satisfaction, gives motivation, gives meaning to one’s life. As long as we are ‘objects to a system’ to keep the system working we actually fundamentally don’t agree with, then we are missing something (which can be different from one another). Many people don’t feel good to be seen or treated as an object, as a tool, as an empty replaceable whatever. I think that this non-belonging drives more and more people to means to fill that gap in their lives. Be it alcohol, gambling, social media (negatively as in trolling to “boost selfesteem”), and drugs. All addictions give a short term “feel-good” impulse and artificially creating a relief of the non-belonging.

    To answer your question what can be done to keep people away from drugs, is 1. to decriminalize drugs, to see addictive people not as criminals but as patience or as victims of not being able to succeed differently in life, and, 2. to give them a sense of meaning at the root of their issues. Skills and knowledge so they can give to others and receive so much more back. The quote “Giving is a form of egoism” does make sense.

    How to reach that can be an entire blog on its own, but fundamentally, I believe, we can stop the heroin and any other kind of addiction-epidemic by giving vulnerable youth something constructive to do. The attention and satisfaction go there and drugs are not needed anymore.

    I know this is an over generalized picture that might not fit into how your daughter lived her life as that is difficult to comment on from one blog post. I just think that people who are addicted to anything are wonderful people who have gotten in a trap in which there was a dissatisfaction or problem that big and that drugs became the ‘answer’. Once in it, it becomes very hard to realize this and to turn it around so it is keeping on making victims.

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    1. They are just people, its a disease that starts with a choice that turns into a disease. Much like diabetics. There’s in most cases starts with a choice to continue to get starches and sweets. Its sad more people don’t understand this. This stems from frustration with the system. I too want drugs decriminalized. Thank you for your kind words

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  2. Can you get this message to Darlene, please.
    I am so sorry for your devastating loss. I have feared the death of one or both of my two addicted children for years now, but it is impossible to imagine the suffering you are going through. It’s the worst and most prevalent nightmare we have, and I won’t pretend to believe you will ever fully recover from it, but I hope that you will somehow find yourself in a better place as time goes on. You’re probably being given all kinds of advice about how to work through the grieving process, but it’s unlikely that any of it makes any sense to you at the moment. The one piece of advice I can offer is that you try to connect with bloggers who have suffered a similar loss. I don’t know whether you would want to do this, but if you had your own blog you would have easier access to such people. You wouldn’t have to post anything – just open an account – although you may find it helps to write your own posts; you need to scream out your agony and anger for as long as it helps.
    My heart goes out to you.

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      1. I clicked on the link, but it said that the content wasn’t available ejther because it has expired or is private. It’s good that she’s getting support from yor community.

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  3. I just want u to know I feel the same way u do.I just lost my son to the something but out of all the heartbreak where I live in York pa they are doing something about it and they are punishing the drug dealers.I feel for u and our family may god stand and watch over u and our family.

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  4. Darlene, my heart goes out to you and your family! Thank you for sharing your story…I will pray for your continued strength! I am also a mom of an addict and I am captured in the nightmare of the addition process with my beautiful daughter. I have cried myself to sleep, spent numerous late night stakeouts outside my daughter’s house swearing to the Lord above I will catch a case if I see anyone pull up in the driveway to add to her struggle! I can’t even imagine what you are going through! I am so very sorry! By the grace of God I still have my daughter and she has been clean and in recovery program (non-court ordered) since beginning Sept. The struggle with trust and honesty is still fresh but she is working very hard on those issues! …doing well! I guess I just felt that I wanted to tell you I am so very sorry for your heartbreaking loss and please hold your head up and get through day by day! You are a strong Mama and I will continue to pray for you and your family! Love to you all and wishes of peace to your love one!

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  5. It’s not you’re fault. Speaking as a former addict, I will tell you right now that you living closer to your daughter wouldn’t have changed anything so please don’t berate yourself for something you couldn’t control (and she couldn’t control). I understand the what ifs all too well, but I’d hate to see you think it was in any way your fault. Addiction doesn’t care about loved ones or their proximity, it will do its best to win no matter what. Sometimes the addiction just wins the fight before the addict. It’s devastating and senseless but it’s not your fault. I am so sorry for your loss.

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