Waking up after twenty years can be shocking. When I look around at certain parts of my life I cannot help but wonder…what the hell was I thinking? I have been with the same man for twenty-two years. In other words twenty of those years, I was battling serious opiate and benzo ( Xanax ) addiction.
Since I began tapering I have noticed that one of the things that I definitely made a mistake continuing this relationship. It’s no wonder I took so many benzo’s, this guy is an asshole.
Working regular seems to be above him and being a decent person is impossible I guess. What do I do about this? The only sober time I had in those years was long enough for me to get pregnant, carry the child and until he was two. So we have a seven-year-old that owns my heart. The problem is that his father owns his. I may be paying for this mistake for the rest of my life. I just pray my son doesn’t pay as well.