Chaos Sober or Not

Okay, so getting clean is tough. You do it so your life isn’t so fucked up anymore, right? I mean nobody does it because they just don’t like getting high. The consequences are catching up. Hopefully, you are making this decision at home and not prison. However, you get there right? Anyway, in the past twenty years, I have had periods of sobriety. The longest was three years. The rest don’t even count. So in those three years, I had my child and it was nice.

The only problem is that even though I was sober; I lived like an addict. People that don’t use are thinking, What? I don’t mean I was still going to the dealers house waiting for hours, for no reason. No, I lived in utter chaos. I still didn’t pay my bills on time, and just lived scared. Believe it or not, I worried myself into a relapse over shit I could have easily taken care of. I had the money, time, and means.

So why didn’t I take care of shit, I should have? Easy, I didn’t know how. I hadn’t ever done it. Waiting until the cutoff notice came in the mail was how I paid bills for 10 years so that is how I did it when I was sober. Maybe this is what they are talking about in meetings when they say you gotta work the program? Who knows, all I know is I need some classes to take because I don’t know how to be a grown up!!

Don’t worry I am working on it.

Author: Recovery Reports


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