In my group, there is a woman talking about being an alcoholic. It’s funny because until this moment I thought drinkers were cry babies. I know I know, that is terrible. Maybe it was because my Dad drank and it seemed like he kicked the problem so easy. All I know is I gained a respect for Alcoholics after one of my group members said something.
My first 12 step meeting was at the age of thirteen. I went to them off and on with my Dad until I was about 18. So I knew the message. Many times when I found myself lonely or scared in my adult life I would seek out meetings. It was at those meetings I lost respect for AA. See if you are a drug addict and go to meetings you are not supposed to say “Hello My Name is Joe Moe and I am a drug addict.” Even if that is what you are. I was treated badly at meetings when I told them about my struggles with opiate addiction. The worst was when I was in Methadone Maintenance and thought you were, to be honest at AA. After those experiences, I was told by many a therapist to not tell anyone in meeting that I was on Methadone or Suboxone. The thing people don’t understand is if I am still having to lie and hide…what is the point of going? There may be some AA meetings that are not this way. Unfortunately, I have not had the pleasure of attending one. So let’s just say I have a bad impression of AA at this point. I will write more about why in another article.
The group I go to is an IOP. ( Intensive OutPatient Program ) It is provided by Our Lady of Peace in Louisville, KY. There are only 2 people in our group that are alcoholics. So after one of them did their “check in” a fellow opiate addict asked to give feedback. Meanwhile, I am one the other side of the room thinking I know it all and this chick needs to stop drinking beer. I mean what the fuck? It’s nasty anyway. ( I know…I know..let me finish ) So he says to her that he is sorry she is having such a hard time. He told her that he cannot imagine being in her place. “THERE IS NO WAY I COULD WALK INTO A STORE AND SEE HEROIN ON THE SHELF AND STAY SOBER” OMG!
HE WAS RIGHT. I never thought about it that way. I couldn’t believe it. I was a snobby addict. There are lots of us. All this time I was angry with AA because of their snobbiness and look at me. He was so right, there is no way I could handle opiates in any form being sold in 75% of the stores I enter. Going to a pharmacy like Walgreens to buy smokes is hard as hell. Imagine if the pills were on the shelf and not behind lock and key. I couldn’t do it. So I must reevaluate my disdain for AA. At the very least I must accept that I can be a snobby addict just like many of them.