You and I have been together for almost half of my life. It is as though you are a lover that won’t let go. If only I could get a restraining order because no matter where I go or how good I hide you find me.
In the beginning, you were loving. Whispered in my ear that I was sweet, beautiful and charismatic. You held my hand all day long. You made it so easy and when it was time for bed you cuddled up close. Now, with you inside me, my thoughts didn’t race. I thought you were magic. You made me feel so safe.
As time moved along, you slowly began to change. One morning, after running out the night before. The sweet voice that used to comfort me turned into a growl. The honeymoon phase passed; all of a sudden my sweet addiction changed. See before if I didn’t reach for you, it wasn’t like this. Now if the thought even crosses my mind, you start to scream and yell. YOUR USELESS and NOBODY CARES, have replaced all your encouraging words.
Aches, pains and vomiting it’s as though you have poisoned me. You say if I don’t come back, that this is just the start. Yelling and screaming you promise to tear me apart. Just for a moment my mind breaks free, and all of a sudden I see.
You didn’t love me and you sure as hell don’t care. When I look around I realize you and I are the only ones there. Where is my family? I start to cry, Oh my god what have I done? Everyone I love and everyone that cared is gone. They are tired of trying since they can’t do it alone. Lying and cheating, are just a few of the terrible things I have done. Oh, my god, I am homeless everything is gone.
You keep begging me to come back. Just like an abusive lover, you say, things will be different. Tomorrow is a new day. It’s like a game you are playing and your always up in, score.
You have taken all my family and all of my friends. You have even taken who I am. My looks are all haggard, I am scared to death and the only time I am nice, is if I am using again.
You have taken control of most of my thoughts and even if I see you it’s not the same. Hell, now I just want to be normal again.
I know you will make sure that I will pay very dear. It doesn’t matter what you say this time because I don’t care. You’re trying to kill me and I want to stay here.