Only As Sick As Our Secrets

So they say when I was born I was a small baby.  My parents at some point moved to California because my Dad was in the Marines and was stationed there.  I only have one memory of this time of my life. I had a little guitar, and I was sitting on the floor on a blanket. One of my parent’s friends walked through the living room the stepped on the toy and broke it.  I must have loved this baby instrument because I have always remembered it.  Either that or have been told the story, not sure.

For some reason, I don’t remember the little Mexican boy that lived close and was my best friend.  They say I could understand every word he said even though he only spoke Spanish. I am sure we more than likely just communicated in friendship more so than in language.

I am not sure what my next memory is but I think it is of the house my parents bought in Valley Station.   The house was green on the outside so for eternity it has been and always will be known as “the green house.’  There was a swingset in the back yard, my little brother and I had our own rooms.  I either had a canopy bed or wanted one.  My mom wanted to paint the living room this wild orange and my dad built a wooden beam that went across the high ceiling. They were proud of this home, it was theirs, they owned it.

The next memory that I have is my mom getting hurt at work.  She was working at Target and fell off a ladder or something.  That may be incorrect in some of the detail but for sure something bad happens to my mom, and it scared me.  It must be why I remember it so clearly.

The next thing that comes to mind was a hot day, and some of the neighborhood kids came over to play.  We had a child pool sitting on the side of the house, and we were all playing in the pool. All of a sudden my Dad came out and told me, come on, we are going somewhere.  So in just my bathing suit I followed.  There are not many places you can take a child that is just wearing a swimsuit, so he took me to park after park, you know the ones with the fountains that kids stand under and play.  I had a great time. It has been one of my favorite memories of my childhood.  When we arrived back at home clearly, there was something very wrong.  The only thing I remember is that my mom was relieved to see me.  Later I believe the story was that my dad did not tell her he was taking my because they had been fighting.  So I think she thought all that time that I was missing.

At some point and this is all very foggy in my head, my parents split up.  Mom moved to Fountain Square Apts  I believe she took us with her, not sure, though.  I do know that we had a babysitter named Tina, who was a teenager.


She lived in the same neighborhood as my dad and would sneak us back over to the area.  She was real young and had a boy she wanted to hang out with.  The next thing I remember is my dad taking us fishing and bringing us back to moms apartment.  We had a few fish and Dad told us to put them in the bathtub with water.  When my mom got home, she was not amused about the catfish in her bathtub.  My mom’s roommate must have let us in, don’t know how we got in when she wasn’t home.

I have heard stories about my dad being abusive to my mom; I don’t have any memories of that.  I don’t know why we went back to live with my dad, but we did.

Dad had a new girlfriend; her name was Wenny.  She was real young.  I believe ten years older than I was, and I was only in Kindergarten or 1st grade.  She came to live with us in the green house.  It doesn’t seem like it was too long after that she gave birth to a beautiful baby girl.  Her name was Angela.  I loved that baby.  Once night while my dad and

Once night while my dad and Wenny were somewhere my Granny was at the house babysitting us.  My brother and I were playing in his room when all of a sudden I heard chaos coming from the other room.  My granny who was one of the strongest people you could meet was screaming at the top of her lungs on the phone.  I tried to come and see what was wrong but just with her eyes and a sharp point to go back to the room, I ran back.  I watched in horror as my dad and wenny came rushing in and Wenny was making a sound I will never forget.  Then there we men in uniforms, I saw one of them grab Angela, cut her cute little pjs I had helped put on her a few hours ago, with scissors.  The huge man was blocking my view of the baby.  The next thing I knew they were gone.

I don’t remember if Wenny and my Dad went to the hospital too or what happen after that.  My next memory was walking to school the next day and telling the girl that was walking with me that my little sister had died and that I thought the big man had done it.  He didn’t though is was SIDS.  I have had nightmares about that numerous times.  She was buried on my Dad’s birthday and after that he didn’t celebrate his birthday anymore. ( to be continued )


Author: Recovery Reports


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